The following items were contributed by a reader of Fred Langa's LangaList, from which I lifted them:

  • Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"
  • A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
  • Dyslexic man walks into a bra....
  • A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says "Pint please, and one for the road."
  • Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
  • I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

 


At my last birthday party, everyone was required to bring a joke. Rudy and Jorja brought this one, which drew lots of laughs. Not wanting to retype the whole thing, I did a search on Google--and found that this story (with minor variations) appears on some 2900 Web sites.


The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm. The answer was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume of Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

  1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
  2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So, which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my freshman year, that "it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I have still not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.

This student received the only "A" given.